application for paradisa

[pirateing]

NAME: Brandon
JOURNAL: wayitcomes
EMAIL: withyourturningtables@gmail.com
AIM: suchaheartleads
WIKI NAME: N/A
CHARACTERS: Stefan Salvatore historyrepeater and Rory Gilmore badinages


CHARACTER NAME: Alexander “Xander” Harris
FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
CANON: After issue 15, “Wolves at the Gate” Part IV, Xander sits vigil over Renee’s ashes.

WHAT THEY LOST:

The one thing Xander has had since leaving high school is his ability to work with his hands. He worked his way up the construction ladder. He was basically a Mr. Fix-It. But, in the castle, he won’t be able to do things like fix windows or doors. He won’t be able to build things. In a nutshell, Xander will no longer be a handy guy. If he tries to think about how to build or fix something, the answer will be just on the tip of his tongue but he will never be able to recall it. Xander is a guy who really likes to think of himself as manly and this is definitely a component to that. Not being able to do something he's so inherently good at will frustrate him and force him to try and expand his horizons. Construction and fixing things grounded Xander and it made him feel genuinely successful. It led to the first leadership role he was given, becoming a foreman. It made him utterly independent from the scoobies and it really validated him.

ABOUT THE CHARACTER:

To Xander, humor is a defense mechanism. He doesn’t think when he blurts out something he sees as funny, especially at inappropriate times. He frequently wishes he had just stayed quiet. He always has a funny quip at the ready. He also uses humor to lighten a situation and try to cheer a friend up. Xander’s humor is hit and miss. It fluctuates from a stream-of-consciousness ramble he can’t help to a deliberate terrible joke to a seldom voiced true witticism. Xander does not have a way with words. He describes himself as a stammerer as well as a yammerer. Sometimes, he just doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. His mouth frequently gets him in trouble. And most of the time he means well.

To put it bluntly, his parents are alcoholics. After the sixth season, Xander hardly ever mentioned his family. Before then, he mentioned them in dribs and drabs. His parents fought frequently both verbally and frequently. Back when he lived at home some nights he slept outside in the backyard. In the episode Restless, Xander’s home life is delved into in a very abstract way. Throughout his dream the basement door is pounded on. At the conclusion to his dream his father comes down the stairs and shoves his hand into his heart. While it is never addressed on screen I interpret this as his father was abusive to him as well as his mother, especially verbally. His mother does care, however. When his girlfriend Anya is over, his mother does offer her fruit roll-ups. One of his biggest fears is repeating his father’s mistakes and essentially becoming his father. A part of the reason he leaves Anya at the altar is because he’s afraid their relationship will deteriorate into his parents’. Another family member mentioned is his Uncle Rory. Xander accepts a Cadillac from his uncle and while he is strange (a taxidermist who enjoys his booze and liquor) Xander genuinely likes and at least partially trusts him. On the off chance they come up in his thoughts, Xander can’t help but care about where his family is right now. But, his dad is pretty much dead to him.

Something fascinating about Xander is that he not only contradicts himself, but that he is also a walking hypocrite. Xander has a wicked selfish streak stemming back to his hatred for the vampire with a soul, Angel. If there was one, Xander would be the head of the We Hate Angel Club. Forget treasurer. Xander slowly starts to accept Angel’s existence but his turning evil throws quite the wrench in the process. This wrench is permanent and he never once changes his opinion of Angel. After Willow resolve faces her way into performing the spell to reensoul Angel she sends Xander to tell Buffy. Instead of telling her what Willow is up to, he gives Buffy his own fabricated message: Kick his ass. A message that is only discovered to be false in one episode of Season 7 and is quickly jumped over because Xander steers the conversation away. In senior year, he practically sends Faith after Angel because of his sheer hate for the guy. Angel is not someone Xander wants to warm up to and he will forever be, in Xander’s eyes, the guy who got Buffy and killed Jenny Calendar.

Angel aside, Xander is a hypocrite in general. He holds grudges but expects others to forgive him. He judges others for their decisions but stands behind his own. He shirks blame if he is in fact blamed for something. When Buffy was going to go after Anya in Selfless, he brings up the topic of Angel. He asks, “Would it have been much different if it were anyone but Angel?” It’s also okay for Xander to be with a demon but not with a vampire.

Other than Willow, Buffy is Xander’s best friend. Her friendship is arguably Xander’s most complicated. What started out as a crush has evolved into a deep, trusting connection that has surpassed romantic (regarding Xander’s feelings towards Buffy). The way Xander sees it, his life wouldn’t be the same had he not met Buffy. Before Buffy came along he wandered through life, did below average work in school, and had no purpose. Meeting Buffy was a complete turning point. He saw the bigger picture and realized what life was worth. Without meeting Buffy he would be dead. It’s simply put but true. This was confirmed in the season 3 episode, The Wish. Without meeting Buffy, Cordelia never would have fell into his orbit. Xander met Buffy and his life began. Because of Buffy, Xander gets to the point where he wants to do good even without Buffy being there (as in, his turn as Nighthawk in Anne and in Bargaining Part I) Bringing Buffy back from the dead has affected him as well. It’s a literal interpretation of getting back up and fighting the good fight.

Xander will always love Anya. In an alternate universe, he can see them working out because the love never faded away. Their snipes and shared sarcasm stemmed from love. Whereas Buffy was the one that got away at one time, Anya is his true one that got away. As stated before, his fears squashed their immediate and now definite future. Anya is the first woman Xander let himself love. She is the woman that helped him learn what love really is. Anya’s death affected him immensely. It got so bad that Xander took a leave of absence and he went off to Transylvania to spend time with Dracula. No girl is ever going to compare to or replace Anya.

Besides Buffy, Willow is the other person in Xander’s life that he cares the most about. It must be said that while Xander has basically disowned his family, his friends have become his family. He has an unconditional, unwavering love for her. Willow is his closest, oldest real friend. Over time she’s estranged from him but he doesn’t resent this. He realizes she’s an international superwitch. He trusts Willow with his life and then some. He can talk to her about anything.

Xander is fiercely protective over Dawn. Over time, Xander sees an ally and equal in her, but he can’t help his want to keep her safe. Like Xander, He respects and admires her, now, despite her mistakes. He believes Dawn has grown into an amazing woman. He and Dawn are the only non-powered humans and that has helped with a close bond forged between them.

Cordelia is the first girl Xander ever loved. This is not to be confused with a deeper, greater, true love that he has with Anya but his puppy crush developed into something more over time. He saw her as someone to verbally spar with and to mess around with. She was also the first non Buffy/Willow girl to lend him support – eventually, anyway. He trusted her. If her were alive he still would At the time, Cordelia was the unattainable. Over time he could have really loved her but he didn’t. He couldn’t help it. He was immature. Cordelia matured him in a way. She really caused him to grow up mentally. He has both fond and less than fond memories of her but when they parted it was with mutual respect. Past high school drama he was at peace with the end to their relationship. Her coma and subsequent “death” affects Xander in that an old friend is gone, another soldier in the war. If Xander were aware of how much Cordelia had grown up over the years, he wouldn’t resent that. He would be proud.

A part of him is afraid of what she used to be, how loose cannon she is but he accepts that she’s grown a lot, did her time literally, and is now working on the side of the white hats. Xander is and will always be sexually attracted to the second slayer. He lost his virginity to her. She’ll be the only girl with that title. And let’s face it, Faith is hot. Xander’s a man. But, like Dawn, Faith is his equal now. All that said, trust wanes with her. Xander does not easily forgive and forget [barring your name is Buffy Summers or Willow Rosenberg] so if something shifty does happen, he will go on the defensive. He also trusts her because Buffy trusts her and Buffy’s opinion holds a lot of weight as long as your name is not Angel.

In general, Spike is a vampire and Xander hates them. He especially hates vampires that have been with Buffy. He does not trust Spike with his life. He’d rather not be in the room with Spike. Even at times when Spike was “harmless” he wasn’t. He was annoying or just plain annoying to be around. Other than Angel, Spike is Xander’s second least favorite person on the planet. If he had more time, there’d be a list. If there’s one thing that Xander is, it’s a grudge holder.

Mentioned a few times, this needs to be explained more in depth. Xander has several issues with vampires. Xander’s best friend Jesse was killed by a vampire, turned into one, who then went after Xander. Right away, he takes a stand about vampires being not good and that stand never dissipates. Out of every non-human creature, vampires are Xander’s least favorite. They either sleep with Buffy or hypnotize him to do their bidding and Xander’s not okay with that. To Xander, Buffy should be slaying the vampires. It is her job. And vampires have taken away people he cared about. And to Xander, Buffy is too good for vampires. She deserves better. She deserves a guy she can walk in the daylight with. A guy that won’t age. And at one time, he’d insert himself under the column of what she deserves. Vampires made Buffy unattainable. All throughout high school Xander wants what he can’t have and had Angel not arrived on the scene, Xander thinks he would’ve had a chance.

~ One caveat involves Dracula and “bonding time” at his castle after Anya’s death. He taught him how to ride a motorcycle. And later helped them defeat a Japanese vampire gang. Dracula is fond of Xander. Then, Dracula was okay because he didn’t constantly ask if Xander was okay. He understood that Xander needed time. Everyone kept trying to help him and Xander just needed to get away. Furthermore, Dracula likes and even respects Xander. They’re daresay friends because Dracula doesn’t treat him like an inferior human despite thinking he is.

Women are always on Xander’s mind. He notices a beautiful woman. He works around super powered women. The everyday woman doesn’t bother Xander. He can hold a conversation and keep eye contact. He respects them. There isn’t some secret chauvinistic side to him (he’s friends with a slayer and an all-powerful witch, what did you expect?). He views women as both equals and creatures who are very nice to look at.

Now, pretty women. Women that are drop dead gorgeous cause Xander’s tongue to tie itself into a knot. His foot likes to inconveniently live in his mouth and the suave side (rarely seen, really) dribbles out of his ears. Now, he isn’t a bibbling idiot when meeting an incredibly attractive woman but they do catch him off guard. Pretty women are a weakness of Xander’s. Hot women are an even bigger weakness,

While the new and unfamiliar gives Xander pause, he’s quick to jump to a magical answer to a problem. He’s always been a fan of the shortcut but a magic one is somehow a better and more immediate option. These never work out and they result in either the entire population of Sunnydale going after him or a singing demon terrorizing the town and wanting Xander as his – well, queen. He really didn’t read that fine print. Even with his attraction to Willow, they decided on performing a de-lusting spell. Xander’s definitely learned his lesson but, if it comes up, he’s not against magic. He just knows there are consequences.

Xander’s magic as a shortcut has been motivated by different things. In Season 2, it was motivated by vengeance. He wanted to get back at Cordelia after she dumped him. In 3, it was impatience. He needed it right then. Season 6 it was genuine. He wanted to bring fun into their dark lives. In general, Xander has used magic for whatever reason he’s needed at that moment.

While Xander doesn’t trust them right away, Xander is more tolerant towards demons than vampires and they have to prove that they mean well. Xander has no problem with Clem for example. He’s just a demonic Droopy. Xander is intolerant to non-humans at first. Trust has to be earned with him – from anyone, but especially species that are decidedly less than human. This expands when there’s a romantic possibility with a demon. He’s dated a former-demon before so he’s more open to that, not that he’s even remotely looking for a demon, former or half.

Being friends with a slayer and living in Sunnydale lead to a life of danger and of loss. He lost his best friend, Jesse. He’s lost Buffy twice. He lost Willow to darkness. He lost Anya. And now, Renee. To Xander, loss goes hand in hand with life. But it doesn’t get any easier. It’s much harder when it’s someone Xander was close to. This causes him not to latch onto new people. It really takes time for Xander to open up and to accept someone. With Renee, he saw her daily and that developed over time. Unfortunately, that was just starting to bloom.

Unfortunately, with loss Xander distances himself. He isolates himself from his friends. He doesn’t even bother telling them he’s fine because he’s not and they know that. But, everyone wants to help. Xander just needs time to get over something because if there’s something Xander is, it’s resilient.

Alcoholism runs in Xander’s family. It is mentioned numerous times and is illustrated on screen in Hells Bells. On the surface, these are very un-mixy things. While he has the occasional beer he never drinks to excess. That is, until he leaves Anya at the altar. Immediately, he turns to the drink. Because of this, and because of his fear, this is an anomaly in his life. He hardly goes overboard and he does not want to be an alcoholic. But a beer after work or during the game is acceptable.

ABILITIES:

Unlike the superhuman women Xander is in charge of, he is completely human. Contrary to what Cordelia once thought concerning Xander’s uselessness, Xander is anything but. Xander is very handy with tools. He has worked a full three years of construction and has been seen and mentioned fixing the Summers’ home after various disasters. He singlehandedly repairs their front window (as well as every other downstairs opening) in season 7. After stopping up the toilet, the potential slayers go to Xander for help. To sum up, he is just a handy man and he is proficient in carpentry. He builds Buffy her own weapons chest from scratch for her birthday. If an odd job is needed to be done around the house – or the castle if he has the time – he’ll do it. While not super-human, Xander is proficient in combat. When not behind the scenes in a tower, he goes out into the field frequently. Xander is a closet geek and knows the most mundane information regarding comics, old (and new) SciFi shows and like every other Jossian character, he can whip out a pop culture reference on a dime. Taken from comic canon, Xander has also gained skills in commanding and leading entire squads of slayers.

THIRD-PERSON WRITING SAMPLE:

If you ever call me a manservant again I will kill you in your sleep.

The bench feels cold under him. He wonders if Japan is supposed to be cold this time of year, if he ever learned this in school or if this was covered on a day when he really didn’t care about anything academic. He’s not going to look back at Dracula. That would be acknowledging his presence. He would like to be alone and a pushy vampire with an ego and an insulting pet name did not equal alone. He knows Dracula is just trying to help, to lighten the mood. If the roles were reversed – well, he’d be lightening someone’s mood – not Dracula’s.

It’s a pattern. Someone dies and Dracula consoles him. That’s not happening again. It was one time, one trip away and it helped. Xander doesn’t need help.

Everyone tries to help. Buffy, Willow and Dawn would’ve had she not been zapped back to Scotland. But, their help doesn’t truly do anything. He needs to be here in this moment to say goodbye and to honor her death.

They exchange a few more words and Xander thinks he actually hears a joking tone in the ancient vampire’s voice. Under different circumstances he would crack a smile.

Still getting killed.

He doesn’t know when Dracula actually leaves. Vampires are so damn silent, anyway. But, at some point, Xander is granted his wish. He is alone.

He tries to go over what he needs to do next in his head. The squads are down for the night but it will only be a matter of time before another vampire shoe drops. Or a demonic shoe. Or a Twilight related shoe whatever that even means. He needs to check in with the base. He needs updates. He needs something to keep his mind off the ashes he is currently holding and news from HQ would do just that. He’d like to think that he almost forgets what’s happening but he doesn’t. He can’t. The image of Renee impaled by the Slayer scythe is etched in his mind. No, he needs to be a watcher.

Man, he hates that term and he hates being called one. He is merely Xander, a Sgt. Fury in training. No, a full-fledged Sgt. Fury.

He needs to move and that’s not happening any time soon.

The wind picks up, reminding Xander that he can actually feel something.

He stands, pouring Renee’s ashes onto the Earth. He wonders if this is a time for something like, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” but he’s never been religious and he thinks if he opens his mouth nothing will come out. Surprisingly, something does.

Goodbye.

Xander knows that he’ll be fine. People die. Life moves on. He’s alive. Buffy’s alive. Dawn’s a giant but alive. Willow’s there with them. Things will be okay. He lives with loss and that’s what this is. It’s just one more casualty. He didn’t love Renee. He hardly even knew her. She was another slayer and the possibility of something more. That possibility is now smashed flat. He can’t help but think who’ll be the next to go. The next unlucky victim of a trap, bad timing, or poor judgment.

All he can think of now is moving on, moving up and getting sleep. He sighs, turning away from the bench and slowly makes his way back to his – and he can’t remember the name of Japanese buildings. Pagoda? Somehow pagoda sounds right. Or maybe gazebo.

…Probably not gazebo.

One last look and Xander knows he has work to do, things to check, friends to protect.

Next.

FIRST-PERSON WRITING SAMPLE:

Okay, so, trading one Scottish and very cold castle for a … magic one. Gotta say, I’m liking less of a kilt thing. I never really got the kilt, the why’s and the wherefore’s of a man-skirt. It’s not manly. Does it attract women? And guys, wear underwear. There are people in that pub who aren’t drunk and who don’t want to see what’s going on under the plaid. Ever. Those same people don’t like you stealing away the attention of cute Scottish lasses…

Oh. Right. Guess I won’t have trouble speaking into this thing. And, hey, the wishing thing, while really cool – I don’t really trust…you know, at all…at all, at all. But, that comes from my – my past relationship. And my life altogether.

Oh! Oh! I should’ve said this at the beginning but you know me – or, you don’t know me, specific you who are listening but my friends do! Unless the Buffy and Willow who’ve written in this journal aren’t the Buffy and Willow I know? We’ll also talk about Spike and Angel later. Not that you haven’t moved on. Because we all have. We do that. We…move on. We move on and we move up and then whaddya know, they die. Again.

Starting to think a new pattern’s emerging. I almost miss being a demon magnet.

And holy smokes, all of this, this entire…spiel was just broadcast across the castle, wasn’t it? Xander very, very out.

INTENT:

I’ve always had a great connection with the character of Xander. I love that while on the surface, he’s this lovable and loyal guy he’s also kind of a dick. He’s selfish and he holds a mean grudge. He is such a life-like flawed character. And I love his devotion to his friends. I love that at this point in canon, Buffy is not only his best friend but a woman he trusts with his life. Throughout the series, he has had extreme growth. While both Rory and Xander are inherent ramblers, Xander is a whole separate breed. Xander is less intelligent and rambles out of nervousness. He also gets lost in his own thoughts. One of the best things about him is that Xander means well most of the time. In the castle, he’ll grieve, move on and continue to grow as a person, and who, hopefully will help his friends. And Xander being Xander, he’ll also make a few slip-ups, revealing future events. For me, playing Xander is just plain fun. I love him, I love his layers and I love playing how rude and childish he can be along with how mature he’s become. I love the cast and I think he’ll really round out Rory and Stefan.